Submission Number: 88
Submission ID: 8257
Submission UUID: f0b8da31-3cb9-40dc-83bc-400c06c139a1

Created: Wed, 08/05/2026 - 17:28
Completed: Fri, 08/07/2026 - 18:10
Changed: Fri, 08/07/2026 - 18:10

Remote IP address: 2a04:4e41:2a05:6ee7::168f:eee7
Submitted by: Anonymous
Language: English

Is draft: No
James
Withers
5203905935
6401 Woodbine Road
Woodbine, MD 21797
United States
April
18
1957
In July of 2022 my wife of 39 and a half years unexpectedly passed away. Up to that point I had always thought I could deal with anything myself. How wrong I was! After many months of grief and despair, I slowly emerged thanks to the interaction and intercession of a number of good men, delving deeply into the Bible and connecting in a personal way with Jesus. In late 2022, My church (Damascus Road Community Church) had a course I took, called Rooted, with an interesting taxonomy of involvement with the church and our savior: consumer, connected, committed, and compelled. I felt a deep passion to learn and engage more both within and without the church community, help others as I had been helped, and move from being committed to being compelled. Accordingly I became a facilitator in the course our church offers, How You Get Through What You are Going Through (based on a study guide written by Rich Warren); a mentor in the related monthly session our church offers to the community (called You Are Not Alone); active in various Bible groups, and looking for opportunities to help others, especially men, based on my life experiences.
I was married to my lovely wife from December 1982 until she unexpectedly passed away in July 2022. I have two children, a daughter born in 1984 and a son born in 1989. Both are faithful Christians and active in their communities. Both are married and have children: a daughter and son to my daughter and a son to my son. I have a younger brother and sister and two step-sisters and a step-brother. My father is still living (and is 92); my mother passed away in 1994.
Nothing directly. Gary Chavez and Rusty Eckman have told me a little about your events.
I grew up in the church and never had any doubts about the church or Jesus - but, truth be told, would not say that until the event I will mention that I had a personal relationship with Jesus. In the summer of 1993, we moved to a new post (I was in the Army) and I had to go away for three months for some special training. My wife had spent the prior year with a Bible group reading the Bible from start to finish and renewing and strengthening her faith. She challenged me to do the same as I was off and try to do it in three months. I had never read the Bible sequentially and accepted her challenge. As I read the Bible every night, I became more and more engrossed in how everything connected and ended up reading the Bible in two and a half months. I remember then finishing Revelations and having an epiphany: how connected and logical the Bible is and how the sacrifice of Christ on the Cross is the seminal event in human history. And praying and thanking him (Jesus) for what he had done for me and all mankind.
In one of the How You Get Through courses, I became friendly with a man who had been a Christian, fell away from church and the gospel, had a bitter divorce, and was now struggling with what had happened to him and how he could reconnect with the church and Jesus and renew his faith. Over a number of weeks I had a variety of conversations with him both about scripture and highlighting my experiences. We struck a chord and I am pleased to say he did reconnect with the church and Jesus; I see him occasionally in a Bible study group and he is a transformed man.
I hope you do not mind if I crib from the King Me book.

Wounds are pain and an injury (injuries) that are inflicted on a person. These can be emotional, spiritual and/or physical injuries arising from trauma, abuse, generational issues, etc leading to someone doubting themself, insecurity and deeper distress.

Vows are a coping mechanism a person undertakes to (try to) ensure the person does not experience the same pain/wound again. The inference is that this is a personal vow in which a person uses their will power to try to protect themself. While a vow can, at least temporarily act as a protection mechanism, it can ultimately become self limiting, precluding healthy growth and stifle intimacy with Jesus Christ.

Agreements inherently are self-deception in which a person trying to cope with a wound makes some kind of alignment, perhaps unconsciously, with a false narrative in an attempt to make sense of what has occurred.
My mother and father had a deteriorating marriage and divorced when I was 8. They would often involve my brother and I in their arguments and physical altercations. I remember one incident when my father and mother were slapping each other and my mother started yelling for my brother and I to run and get the neighbors to come to the house. My brother and I both ran off and hid and came back some time later. Then my father took my brother off to give him a spanking and my mother yelled at me for not bringing the neighbors.
In general, spiritual warfare is the battle between good and evil. More directly, it is the battle(s) we fight against Satan, his minions and sin. Ephesians 6: 10-18 of course is a famous set of passages on how to arm ourself to combat evil. My personal interpretation is to be firm in one's faith and knowledgeable in the word of God. And this may seem a bit corny: as a metaphor I always think that the Holy Spirit is in my diaphragm ready to be tapped for strength and reinforcement.
I hear from God in the insight and discussion I have with other Godly men; books I read with their discourse and reasoning (e.g. the Cross of Christ by John Stott), and occasionally in prayer answered. Often the first two reinforce each other as is the case in my example. In the Spring of 2023, I took the How You Get Thru What You are Going Through course at DRCC. After the course, a leader at DRCC reached out and asked if I wanted to become one of the course facilitators. We met and talked about it - basically they thought I could use my experiences to help others in future courses. At the same time I was reading a book by Jerry Sitter - A Grace Revealed. In this book, I'm paraphrasing, he talks about how most of us like the person we have become (or are becoming) but wonder at the circumstances that it took to get us to this point (especially if wounding and/or loss had to be overcome). This juxtaposition of events, along with prayer and encouraging thoughts, led me to conclude God wanted me to engage in this ministry and help others as I had been helped.
Not through an organization like Zoweh. While in the Army (I was in the Army 20 years; retired as a LTC) and then in MITRE (I was an engineering manager), I took several courses (and taught a few) on giving and receiving feedback, counseling people, etc. But this was oriented towards the military and a large commercial organization - not training in engagement in another man's story.
King Me, The Screwtape Letters, Mere Christianity
Another Elder-Sage
Mondays or Tuesdays during the day; depends on the date. (I own a farm and farm store and am often about; texting is a good way to set up a call with me.)
Reference
Emmet (Rusty)
Eckman
emmet.eckman@gmail.com
7204271992