By this everyone will know that you are my disciples, if you love one another. John 13:35 NIV
Finally, all of you should be of one mind. Sympathize with each other. Love each other as brothers and sisters. Be tenderhearted, and keep a humble attitude. 1 Peter 3:8 NLT
The first duty of love is to listen.
- Paul Tillich
Can you think of a time when someone sat with you face to face, leaned in, and listened intently as you shared a story with them of when you were hurt, betrayed or abandoned in some way? Or perhaps you felt stuck or overwhelmed. What was that like for you? What did it feel like when they listened and engaged you well? What did it invite in you?
We embody the love and the heart of God, the hands and feet of Jesus when we are present to each other and offer attuned care. In 1 Peter 3:8, we are invited to compassion, kindness, and humility as we offer our presence in Love.
What does this look like on a practical level when you are sitting face to face with your spouse as they share their story and heart?
Intentional, helpful listening is:
- Keeping your mind and heart open and curious.
- Holding the space for them for that time period and giving them your undivided attention.
- Being fully present to their heart and story. When you are fully present and engaged, you communicate, “You are important, and so are the things you are saying. I hear you. I see you. I care about you, your story, and our marriage. It all matters.”
- Engaging them - their whole person - with your whole person. Allowing them to affect you, i.e., to grieve with those who grieve.
- Offering them the dignity of being heard - having their story witnessed by the one who committed to a lifetime together.
- Part of walking with God together.
We each have different styles of relating as our spouse knows well, and yet there are ways we can be with each other that show care, honor, kindness, and compassion in ways that have the potential to facilitate healing!
As you ponder all this with God today, consider asking Him:
Father, how am I meant to be cared for, attuned to, and listened to in ways that bring honor, dignity, integration, and healing to the deep places of my heart and in my story? How am I meant to care for, attune to, and listen to my spouse in ways that bring honor and healing to his/her heart and story?
Jesus, would you help me remember how it felt when my spouse listened well to my heart and my story? How did I feel in my body as they listened to me? What did their listening invite in me?
Holy Spirit, would you open my heart and mind to the possible ways that your Presence brings integration and healing in our marriage?
