Don’t bargain with God. Be direct. Ask for what you need. This isn’t a cat-and-mouse, hide-and-seek game we’re in. If your child asks for bread, do you trick him with sawdust? If he asks for fish, do you scare him with a live snake on his plate? As bad as you are, you wouldn’t think of such a thing. You’re at least decent to your own children. So don’t you think the God who conceived you in love will be even better? - Matthew 7:11 MSG
Train up a child in the way he should go [teaching him to seek God’s wisdom and will for his abilities and talents], even when he is old, he will not depart from it. - Proverbs 22:6 AMP
I was in a small group with men in their 60s and 70s, and it was amazing to me that they referred to their adult children as “my boys,” or “my little girl.” It dawned on me how often dads still call their adult children their boys or girls. It is a glorious thing, and appropriate, because each boy or girl carries within them a glory, a significance bestowed by a father. This is true of our earthly fathers because it is true of us with our Heavenly Father.
As image bearers, you and your children have Trinity DNA. God has Glory, and therefore so do you, so do they. He has the capital “G” glory; we carry the small “g” glory. Glory is what someone uniquely brings to the world.
You bring your glory to all the roles you play. So will your children. We’re not to get our glory from what we do; we bring it to what we do. Many of us learned to use our glory to get what we want, but the Kingdom doesn’t work that way. Roles and assignments are also different. You’re a dad, that’s not your glory, that’s your role, and your assignment is your kids. How you dad … that’s your glory.
“Train up a child in the way he should go …” (Proverbs 22:6) is not permission to mold your child into your image. It is an invitation to discover theirs. God has placed a unique glory in each of your children. Your role is not to manufacture it, but to uncover it. To name it. To bless it. To protect it. To encourage them in it.
Training according to glory requires curiosity. It requires watching. Listening. Asking. And stepping into your child’s interests—even when they don’t interest you. God trains us this way. He meets us according to our design. He calls out what he sees. He invites us to become who he created us to be.
When you train according to glory, you tell your child, I see you, I see what you did there, I love who you are, and who you are becoming.
I was speaking at a men’s conference and I mentioned that we can be students of what our kids love to do, discover their favorites, and explore why they love what they love. A man came up to me afterward, and he said, “I don’t know any of those things about my kids or grandkids, but I can promise you, I will. A few months later, I received an email from him. “I got my list: Four kids, and thirteen grandkids. I know what they love and have been having a blast sharing in their interests … Thank you!”
Reflective Questions
Father, what do you see as the glory in my child’s life? Would you show me? Help me ask good questions to explore?
Jesus, what are one or two ways I might better enter their world to discover their heart?
Holy Spirit, where might control or my agendas be hindering curiosity in my fathering?